I guess it is finally setting in…What Ethan’s diagnosis means…I feel a bit neglectful… I could say that with his two sister’s birthdays (Brianna now 6 and Harmony now 12) during the last week of March;with one’s birthday party the last week of March and the other the following week,there just hasn’t been time to reflect. But I think some of it has been just denial of not wanting to face the enormity of it all.
I sit and realize the difficulties and hurdles my son has ahead of him. I,myself,had learning disabilities that I had to overcome and realize that this is nothing in comparison of the possible difficulties Ethan faces. And try as I may to be there and stand by his side,he will have to walk that path on his own power (I can’t do it for him) and in some point in the future walk it alone.
And there is nothing I can do to change that. That fact alone feels like somebody just reached up and ripped my heart right out. Well,I need to get over it. It will not help Ethan in the long run,although I need to take this feeling,the anguish,the helplessness,the concern,and commit it to memory. Once committed to memory,I can then recall it up whenever in the course of the difficult times ahead I get discouraged or frustrated,I can recall the feeling and draw strength from it.